Wednesday, August 22, 2007

What's My Deal?

I haven't been doing a very good job lately of keeping up with the blog. For some reason I just haven't felt too connected to it. I'm not really sure why, but I haven't really felt too connected to much of anything. It's not that I'm unhappy with anything specifically. I mean geez, I have a lot to be happy about. I'm getting married in less than a year!!! I've got a smokin' hot fiance! The date is set. The location is set. Beth and I are going to Italy in exactly four months! So what's the problem? That's a great question. And I just don't know.

For one, I think I'm really bothered by the fact that my Grandmother, who I grew up living down the street from, is terminally ill. My Mom is up in Oklahoma right now taking care of her. Once cancer reaches your liver, I guess things aren't looking too good. I wish I could be there, but things just aren't that simple. I had the privilege of growing up just a few blocks from my Grandparents. I would see them nearly everyday and they were there for nearly every major event in my life. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Man, I wish I would have known then what I know now. I would have taken advantage of spending so much time with my Grandparents. I would have made sure that I got every ounce of knowledge from my Grandpa before he passed away. But that was 11 years ago. I was 16 and honestly, didn't really care. I was too worried about myself and what my friends were doing on Friday night. Luckily for me, my Grandpa taught me more than I ever really knew at the time. Most of which is what has made me into who I am today.

The same holds true for my Grandmother. I have learned a lot from her as well. She's been through a lot. She's lost two sons, both of her parents, and her husband in the past 20 years. Life's not fair. I probably would have given up a long time ago. But she hasn't. The same woman who depended on my Grandpa for nearly everything through their 40 plus years of marriage, has become this incredibly independent person in the past 11 years. With everything stacked against her and all of her losses, she has persevered. And she has loved. And no matter how sad she has been or how bad of a day she was having, she always made me feel important and special. And I'm grateful. I'm grateful for what she has taught me and I'm grateful that I've been able to recognize it. Now I guess it's my turn to take what I've learned and use it in my life. Keep going. Life's not fair, it's not easy, but keep going. I sure am glad my Grandmother kept going because if she hadn't, I wouldn't have learned what I know now. Thanks Grandma.

1 comment:

afoos said...

thanks for a beautiful post, Tony! You couldn't have put it better.

Wish we could all be there together right now, but like you say, it just isn't that simple. And, do you think Grandma would really want us to see her without her makeup- ha! Remember how she used to spend the whole morning getting ready?

I wish Grandma and Grandpa were still here and in good health...

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